Another key challenge parents face in the arduous journey of parenting with your Ex is to embrace both self-compassion and self-empathy. While they are similar, they are also distinctly different. I believe that self-compassion is the ability to love oneself and accept one’s shortcomings without judgment; recognizing yourself as human and that you are not perfect. You are going to make mis-takes, do things that you regret and mourn. I prefer to say that each one of us is perfectly imperfect! Self-compassion is acknowledging your imperfections and loving yourself unconditionally.
Self-empathy is the practice of looking within while, at the same time, being compassionate with oneself. Self-empathy involves inquiry and exploration. It is the process of listening to your own inner experience and of being genuinely curious with yourself. When we engage in self-empathic exploration we are looking in the mirror beneath the surface to see the meaning underneath the wrinkles and bringing that meaning to light so we can work with it and transform.
When being compassionate with yourself, you treat yourself with a tender, loving heart. One way to do this is when something happens during your day that is painful or difficult, you can take a moment to be present with yourself, just as you would with your child. You can say to yourself, “ouch, that really hurt.” Instead what we often do when we are suffering is to try and push through it or ignore it. When we do that, we are not being compassionate with ourselves. Rather than trying to push through the pain, compassion gives you the opportunity to acknowledge the hurt without judgment or blame – just witnessing with a loving heart.
The path of healing is paved with compassion; the path of self-growth and transformation is paved with self-empathy. When we are empathic with ourselves, we look at our choices and circumstances with a genuine desire to know and understand ourselves better. This allows us to begin to how to create changes in our lives so that we can create the life we want. In the process of self-empathy, we may say to ourselves, “I am so curious why I did that, what was my underlying intention?” Honest and helpful answers reveal themselves when we invite them without judgment.
Finally, practicing self- compassion and self-empathy provides a context for recognizing the common human bond you have with all people. Mistakes, heartaches, tragedies are all a part of life and tapping into the realization of this common bond enhances your ability to have compassion for and be empathic with yourself and others. And successfully co-parenting with your Ex, requires both!
In support of your success ~
Speak Your Mind