Already decided on divorce but feel overwhelmed by the many decisions you need to make?
Do you want to make sure you’ve done everything you can to save your marriage and that someone really knows who you are and what you want?
What would it be like to get answers to questions you didn’t even know to ask?
Having someone understand you and your needs better than you understand them yourself and…
leaving your divorce professional’s office with a whole new outlook on divorce and your life.
Just because your spouse is blaming you and fighting with you does not mean you have to respond in kind.
Are you willing to give up your positions to do what is best for your kids?
Think about it.
There are no innocent parties in divorce. Your divorce, like your marriage, has a two-way communication dynamic.
You probably need to change the way you interact with your spouse as much as your spouse needs to change the way he/she interacts with you.
Right now you might feel overwhelmed by the task ahead – too big to know where to begin.
At this stage, thinking about making a successful divorce transition may seem insurmountable, impossible. You are frustrated, even terrified at the thought of moving ahead with divorce. You worry about your children.
During highly-charged times in life, a person needs someone to help them shed light into incredibly emotional issues, such as a potential divorce. Your emotional brain is often driving the boat while your logical thinking brain, not so much.
Choosing a divorce path to best support you and your children is so important to everyone’s long term well-being.
Have you already tried doing any of the following…but failed?
- “Lawyering-up” with some big gun attorney who ends up filing documents that bad mouth both you and your spouse and make it even harder to work together and do what is best for your children?
- Doing nothing and hoping the problem will go away?
- Waiting for your spouse to take action?
- Trying to convince your spouse that you are right?
- Trying to working it out by yourselves?
If so, you are not alone.
But if you keep going round and round, hurling the same tired arguments at your spouse (or having them hurled at you), day after day; more negative emotions and behaviors are likely to be the result. You are bound to wear out, run down and feel more hopeless than ever.
It’s not pretty.
You don’t want to go there.
“I can help you transform your primary-relationship interactions and find the healthiest options for all concerned.
I listen in a way that gives you clarity and insight into your situation making it easier to feel more confident about the next steps you need to take.
I teach people how to take the “high road” with their spouse even in the most difficult of circumstances.”
Working with me to:
- Gain clarity about the “big picture” of the kind life you want to create for yourself and for you and your children.
- Discover how your fears could be getting in your way of making important decisions.
- Know your optimal next steps to move forward with grace and ease.
You will find yourself responding to your soon-to-be ex-spouse and your children from your highest self which will increase your ability to continue to do so.
When the specific type of support and resources you need are found, you will feel more confident and secure in your unique journey of divorce.
I invite you a 90 minute one-on-one consultation with me.
It would be perfect for you if:
- You and Your Partner are Fighting Over Your Divorce
- You’re Overwhelmed and Confused by All the Decisions you Have to Make
- You want to Make Sure you are Making the Best Decisions for Your Kids
- You want to know what your divorce options are
- You want to get clarity on what’s most important to YOU
And, you will also learn the secrets to:
1. What to do when you and/or your partner are accusing each other and “lawyering up”.
2. The #1 Mistake Most Parents Make When Getting a Divorce (or Taking Advice from friends and family is usually a really bad idea! or Three Common Bad Pieces of Advice that People Get From Their Friends and Family)
Cat J. Zavis is an Attorney, Mediator, Child Advocate, Coach for Parents co-parenting their children after divorce and Author of the upcoming book, “Parenting with Your Ex: Another F***ing Growth Opportunity.” As a divorced mother of 2, she deeply understands the challenges, trauma and opportunities divorce provides. She has been practicing Nonviolent Communication, Mediation and Collaborative Law for 7 years. She conducts workshops and trainings in Nonviolent Communication for parents, lawyers, teachers, students, spiritual centers and professionals. In 2009, she was awarded a Peace Builder Award for her business. Her combination of personal experience and professional expertise give Cat a unique perspective and ability to help co parents learn to communicate effectively and powerfully to transform their relationships and interactions with their former after divorce so they and their children can thrive.
In Africa w/future husband…
In 1990, my future husband and I were traveling in Africa and wanted to get off the beaten path. To do that, we decided to climb Mt Elgon, a mountain that borders Uganda and Kenya, to cross from Uganda to Kenya via the mountain.
We went to a small village in Uganda where we met local people and stayed the night. We hired guides from the village to guide us to the top of the mountain where the border lies and then we would continue into Kenya and they would return to their village in Uganda.
For 2 days we had an awesome time hiking in beautiful mountain territory. We arrived at the hot springs where the guides were going to turn around and we would continue into Kenya. Just as they were getting ready to leave, they told us that they saw poachers on the mountain and that they would kill us. We were skeptical but our guides were insistent and we followed them off the trail up the mountain.
Sure enough, as we were climbing the mountain side, the poachers shot at us. The guides took off and we were left alone on the mountain, lost and didn’t know where to go. The mountain was incredibly foggy and even snowed one morning. We were hiking in dense fog and thick mountain forest and even though we were only a few feet from each other, we often could not see each other. We were terrified.
The second night lost on the mountain, we were in our tent and I collapsed in tent. I remember distinctly deciding at that moment to move beyond fear to DETERMINATION – determination to survive.
We woke up the next morning and the fog had lifted for a short time and we could see farmland below us so we decided to walk to the farmland because we knew people would be there, even though we did not know if that was in Kenya or Uganda. We walked towards the farmland and after many hours of hiking we came to a very large logging road that crossed our path and ran perpendicular to the direction we were headed. We realized that we had to take the road because clearly people had been driving on this road. But we had to choose a direction and stick with it. So we looked at each other and chose to go right. And after many hours we came upon Kenyan park workers who took us to the local village.
After our trip, we returned home. I was working as a public defender in Seattle and he was working with another lawyer in a small firm. We had two boys and life was going quite well.
But then life took a turn downward. As we got more and more busy, as our views on parenting differed, and other things came between us, we grew further and further apart. The distance and lack of connection created resentment; even contempt grew. We came upon our own mountain – we were lost again, and could not see each other through all the pain and hurt. Unlike the mountain, we could not find our way back to each other. We became our own poachers – shooting at each other’s hearts.
Once we separated and through the divorce – things deteriorated, battles and struggles grew and the friction and tension just increased.
Anger and hurt fueled our interactions. We were unable to communicate in an effective and healthy way and the kids were often stuck in middle.
I was exhausted and worried that the kids would be another casualty of divorce.
Then one day, I collapsed on floor in kitchen (just like I had in the tent). I allowed myself to feel the depths of my grief, but did not know what to do. As I sat on the kitchen floor just being present with the depth of my sorrow, just like I had moved beyond fear on the mountain, I moved beyond grief, anger, hurt, and fear to determination. Determination to make sure that my kids would thrive and that I would heal.
As I sat there, I reflected on the compassion I had gained through my training in and teaching of Nonviolent CommunicationSM and work in self-awareness and self-growth,
The 20+ years of knowledge and experience as an attorney and mediator helping hundreds of clients,
And, the guidance and skills I have gained as a coach and trainer for mediators, parents, teachers and others in conflict resolution and communication to transform this pain into healing and love.
I was determined to find a way to navigate my divorce and post-divorce co-parenting relationship in a way that would help ensure my own sanity and well-being and the well-being of my children. I was determined to stop the blame game, to stop caring about being right and focus my energy and attention on being clear, powerful and strongly committed to what was best for my kids. I became unwavering in my persistence to ensure that my decisions, solutions, proposals and positions were grounded in what was truly best for my children and not in my own emotional turmoil.
Doing so was quite challenging at times and to help me remain committed to my highest intentions, I had someone I could rely on to compassionately and powerfully help keep me on track.
Putting their needs first drove my actions and behaviors. One of their greatest needs was for their dad and I to have more ease in our relationship. So I did everything I could in my power to change our conversations from trying to convince him that I was right to understanding what mattered most to both of us and proposing solutions that would serve those shared goals.
Now, years later – that is exactly what I have done. Using some of same skills that I share in this product and that I have shared with 100s of clients and professionals, life is flowing with greater ease and joy. I am living in alignment with my values, my relationships with my children are thriving, my kids are doing great and life is flowing with a quality of ease and grace I could not imagine possible a few years ago.
My relationship with my former husband is smoother and when things occur that are difficult, I am able to navigate those situations with grace.
“Now I want to help YOU enjoy these results. . . so you have more peace in your life. .
“Cat is no ordinary lawyer. She combines a unique quality of passion and strength in which she can play an unequivocating truth-sayer role with vast skills in hearing the depths of needs that are at hand in which compassion and understanding are wonderfully present.”
“Thank you for your guidance through our mediation process. Although the process was difficult, we were able to navigate through it with your help and have become better friends and parents to our son.”
“I feel such deep appreciation to Cat for providing a safe environment for me to get in touch with the depth of my feelings and find the clarity I needed to deal with a very difficult issue in my life.”
“Thank you. This morning my husband and I initiated a new way of communicating with each other thanks to the skills I am learning and have learned under your loving, compassionate tutelage. These tools are already being put to use in my life and home. I have a deep sense of gratitude for you and the work you are doing in the world, and how it is enriching my life.”
“Your compassionate listening and empathic way of sharing information and skills were PHENOMENAL! You should write a book: “Beyond Tact: Peacemaking under Duress!” Really, really nice job.”
“If you feel like you are on a hamster wheel in your primary relationship, going nowhere fast, and believe you have exhausted your resources to get back on track, I would be honored to help.”
Yes Cat, I’m ready to get on with my life!
90 Minute One-on-One Session: $200
Immediately after signing up, you will receive a link to schedule your consultation.